July 2011
1 post
May 2011
7 posts
i would have got no support from my family whatsoever, to the point where i’m pretty sure my dad would have kicked me out. i’m seventeen years old, i have no source of income and could have quite possibly have been made homeless. to me, it’s worth the emotional pain i still go through, rather than having to bring up a baby in those conditions.
it doesn’t matter how...
i don't think i want 'forever' if this is what...
i genuinely just feel like i want to die right...
this has depressed me majorly →
i would do ANYTHING to have baby hobbit back.
accidentally watching one born every minute
and crying because i miss my baby hobbit.
i’m happy today; i had a lovely day with my boyfriend yesterday and a chiller day in college :)
not been this content with life in a while.
i would have been 16 weeks pregnant now ;(
April 2011
22 posts
4 tags
I’m getting so jealous of all the pregnant girls I have on Facebook. It’s so depressing to read their statuses about their bumps and going for scans and stuff. I’d do ANYTHING to have my baby back and i know that if I’d had the same support as them, I’d have been an amazing mother.
awkward moment when you're trying to avoid a panic...
2 tags
i had the scariest night of my life last night;
i had a three hour panic attack where i just genuinely felt as though i was dying but didn’t even feel as though i was me. it was the most terrifying thing that i have ever experienced.
sat in a corner in my room crying uncontrollably, trying to phone my boyfriend but he was asleep and just not knowing what to do. i ended up having to phone...
i love being ignored.
theunrealistik asked: Hi, you're beautiful. [:
i hate myself.
i killed a part of myself and that is never gonna go away no matter how hard i try not to think about it. i had a baby and now i don’t because i was a coward.
wow i’m a great person me.
3 tags
my brain hurtssss.
i’ve been awake for like 14 hours; i had to go and see my counsellor this morning and talk to him about my mind and how things have been lately. i have to see a specialist soon so they can work out if i have borderline personality disorder or bipolar or something, i’ve been told so many things over the years about my mental health and its starting to wear me down.
they started talking...
my brain hurts too fucking much.
i am so vexxed.
paranoid as shit today
had three panic attacks in the night and couldn’t sleep at all; i used to smoke weed when i felt a bit panicky but after a while i started HAVING panic attacks whenever i smoked so idk what to do.
its 420 and i feel a bit boring that i no longer smoke but i’m trying to get around it in my head by coming up with an excuse. if it settles my mind a bit i reckon it’d be worth going...
fell asleep, had a nightmare and woke up having a...
i hate how my body works; i had a panic attack yesterday and now i keep having them. its like an earthquake with aftershocks. fucks sake.
today has been one of those days.
i fucked up.
these look pretty now i’ve washed off the dried blood.
I now feel sick to my stomach, I can’t stop crying and I’ve scratched the fuck out of my thigh.
i don't want to be in love
it just hurts all the fucking time :’(
i've just done the stupidest thing i've done in a...
don’t even fucking care any more tbh. bored of being sober all the time; and for what? feels like nothing at the moment tbh.
i hate being constantly out of my comfort zone.
i just want to sit in my own bed all day and feel content and secure for once.
i need to reprogram my brain to autopilot.
thinking about things before doing them just confuses my brain.
my brain was nicer when i was in a trance everyday, doing things on autopilot and not having to think. i liked being in a zombie like state. it was an uncomplicated way of living.
lack of drugs = lack of autopilot mode.
3 tags
i’m sorry that i can’t be more perfect, i’m sorry my mind is so broken all the time, i’m sorry that i get moody with you, i’m sorry i act silly and annoy you, i’m sorry that i stopped taking drugs and smoking weed and got boring, i’m sorry that i just wait all day to speak to you and bug you, i’m sorry that i’m still so awkward, i’m sorry...
really hate being broken after fixing someone else and just sitting there wishing someone would do the same for you.
i wish i could go to sleep and just wake up in a better mood tomorrow but for some reason i’m just sat here staring blankly at the computer and trying to make conversation on skype.
its not going too well.
i’m having the most rubbish week ever, my mind feels like its full on breaking. usually when i feel like shit, i manage to fake a smile in college and stuff, so people can’t tell (i like hiding my feelings), but its getting to the point where people are asking me what’s wrong because i just sit there looking so upset.
it feels like everything crap in my life is coming to a head...
I had a really nice dream last night, something really simple and silly but the concept of it ever happening made me smile loads. It was basically just that my dad accepted that I had a boyfriend and was happy for me, and I know it probably seems silly or an alien concept to most of you but its really starting to bug me. i feel a little shitty knowing in reality it is very unlikely to happen and...
this is going to be for all the personal thoughts...
mainly rants and me saying things i’d regret if i posted it on my other tumblr; things i don’t want people knowing about my private life, you get me?
might put a password on here at some point too, but not yet.
:)